Smart cars parking sideways

This isn't a rant about Smart Cars in general, oh no, that would go on far too long. Instead it is a rant about the insistence of Smart car owners to park their little car the wrong fucking way round to everybody else.

Is there a law against it? Has nobody else pointed out that they just don't fit within the lines when they park like this?

By definition, if the owners think their car is so square and smart for parking, then surely they can fit in exactly the same space parking the correct way round. I've actually seen instances where there is a perfectly big enough space to park like a normal person, but the owner has reversed in like an utter bell end just to park in this way. Stop it now.

Hi-Top shoes

A controversial choice, because everyone seems to have bought a pair in the last two years; and some of them actually look alright. Some, on the other hand, make you look like a retarded astronaut, sent from outer space to tuck in a ridiculous shade of skinny green chinos into this flailing mess of tongue and Topman tragedy.

If you're going to wear shoes, at least do them up properly- that's just basic sense. Also, Velcro is for six-year olds.

Chefs cracking eggs with one hand

In my view, this one of the lamest forms of 'look at what I can do that you can't' out there. Like really Gino, is there any fucking point in cracking it with one hand? Especially when they always have the other hand free anyway. TV chefs were obviously bullied at school for being shite at football, or shagging, or whatever. I guess this is just their way of getting back at us.

Well done chefs, you can cook nicer food than the rest of us, that's rad for you. But don't try to turn it into an extreme sport and be a bigshot at cracking eggs. It's futile and annoying, no-one cares that you posess that skill.